Legend Of Zelda: The Heros Son
by Son-Of-The-Hunter
Summary: When the evil dragon Luq attacks hyrule, Link is called forth to stop it. Too bad for hyrule that he is too old and frail to even stand a chance. To add more insult to the injury they send his son to stop it. Rated t for Language and Mild adult theme
1. The Somewhat Dangerous Son Of Link

Chapter 1

An Introduction and the Hero's son

First, it would help to have a little historical background before I actually begin the story.

After Gannon had been finally defeated, Link and Zelda got married. Those were the happy, wonderful years and yadda yadda yadda. You all know how it goes. "I love you Link. I love you Zelda. Let's screw each other!" All that crap.

Anyways, (thank you for letting me vent) after a certain night ;) Zelda found out that she was going to have a child. Eventually after the shock that their 'tool' didn't work, they realized the inevitable: they were going to be parents.

They named him Kale. The child was a healthy young boy. He grew strong and was trained in magic by Zelda, and trained in swordplay by his father. Over the years he actually was able to outfight Link in battle, and create more powerful magic than Zelda.

Unfortunately he also was quite lazy and a bit of a drinker. As soon as he was able to do so, he would go to bar to bar, looking for ladies and beating up the challenger. Zelda and Link were horrified to see what their son had become. But there was nothing they could do. Kale could bring link down in under a minute and magic was totally useless on him. Link damned himself for giving him the mirror shield.

Anyways, Link went to find Kales closest friend: Sol. Sol was a much disciplined Sun Knight. His sword was custom made. The blade would shine like the sun, purging darkness whenever it came. The two holes in the center of it made it whistle when it was swung. Stupid me rambling on about his sword.

So, later on Link was asked to destroy the dragon that had threatened Hyrule. The dragon was a filthy red dragon. Luq was his name. Link was too old to take on a dragon so he sent his son to go and defeat him. The way to his lair is not easy. Kale is going to need the Chaos Sapphire and the Order Ruby. Only then can you get the emerald of light, the only thing that can open the way to Luq's lair and defeat him. So now that the boring history is over, we can get on with the story.

* * *

It was cockfighting knight at the bar in Kakario village. Kale rarely went here. His old house was too close to the place. Much of Hyrule had been explored and a shipload of towns had been founded. _Damn them all _he thought to himself. _Freakin parents._ He lifted his head up and shouted "Hey bartender gimmie another ale!"

The bartender said "Sir, you have had five drinks in the last hour. We can't let you have anymore"

He stood up and staggered away too the door. "I never liked this place anyways. Except on stripper night. Freaking bartenders." _I think I'll visit my old man. _He walked around town for a while, and then found his home. He opened the door and fell over inside.

Link knew that this would happen again, so when he found him, he picked Kale up and placed him on the couch. Link went back to his bedroom and fell asleep. It was that night when Link was summoned to defeat the dragon. When the king's knights arrived they found that Link was too old to even fight the lesser demons that protected the jewels. Link told them that he did have a son who could fight them. He led them to the couch where Kale was sleeping. A minute later Sol, who was the knight captain, came up to the house to see if they found Link. He saw Kale and knew that he could help him.

Sol told Link that he could help Kale defeat Luq. He told him that he would accompany him to the very ends of the earth if it were required. Link took him to the secret room in the basement. He took out a magical pendant and a sword that looked like the soul edge.

"I got this in a tournament." Link said.

He continued. "The blade can cut through even diamond. It is very powerful. Your father had its brother. He was killed in the war by a wayward spear. The blade is for Kale. The pendant is a sign of passage. It allows the wearer to enter even the most heavily guarded room. It is yours."

Sol said "Thank you. These gifts are well appreciated."

"Well all my treasure items that I found on my quests are in a chest down here. Let Kale take them. I've got something to 'do' in my bedroom. Take Kale to the place where the ruby is first. Then the sapphire. Goodbye." With that Link walked up to his second story bedroom and shut the door.

* * *

Kale suddenly woke up. He was riding on a horse. He looked ahead but he couldn't see anything. Just then, the sun began to rise. Link was playing the sun song again. Next to him was a rider clad in heavy but white armor. Kale was too hung over to see that it was Sol.

"Drunk again?" asked Sol.

"Huh?" Kale asked, slurring his speech.

"Kale, it's me, Sol."

Kale sat up. Suddenly the hangover was gone. "Sol? Is it really you?'

Sol put his hand on his chest. "In person."

"Wow. I thought that you were killed in the war."

Sol looked puzzled. "Kale, if I recall, I held the unbreakable record of fighting 5 moblins and 3 darknuts at once."

Kale was pretty pissed. "Oh yeah. My record is probably 3 moblins at once."

"Fair enough."

The two reunited friends went on to go find the ruby of Order.

Authors Note:

If anybody has already written a story like this I apologize. Tell me in a review. I'm not going to stop writing it I just want to see if my idea is used or not.


	2. Barfight!

Chapter 2

A Bar Fight and Enter Mina

Kale and Sol were staying the night at an inn in some far out town in eastern Hyrule. While Sol slept, Kale decided to go and check out the local bar that was right below their inn.

Kale took a seat right on the bar. Almost immediately the ladies began flocking to him. Unfortunately, a man came to take his girlfriend back before she got any ideas. Kale leaned over and said to him "You know, I won't get any ideas."

That pushed the guy off the deep end. He threw his fist at Kale's face. At the last moment, Kale pushed up his arm, set the man off balance and punched him in the gut. "Like I said, don't F around with me or I'll beat the ever loving crap out of you." He taunted.

The man snapped his fingers and three other tough looking gang members walked in. The big man said "Just kill him. I don't want to encounter him again if he somehow survives."

Kale thought _Uh-oh, this doesn't look good. _ He drew his sword and threw it in the open, holding it with his left arm slanting upward protecting his face, kind of. The bartender looked up and said "No swords here. You can only fight with your fists." He went back to serving drinks.

Kale sheathed his sword. The three men were snapping their knuckles and making themselves look menacing. From Kale's view, they were doing a pretty crappy job. _Screw this _he thought. And with that he darted over and picked one of the guys up. Using him as a giant club he swung him around and tried to hit the other guys.

It connected with both of them. Afterwards he threw the guy he was swinging on that big guy that he ko-ed earlier. Kale turned his cup upside down and sat on a stool. One of the guys that he whacked earlier stood up. Kale said to him, "You should take your wounded and go."

His other friend woke up and they dragged the two other guys out of the bar. Kale, sensing that there would be no further challenge here, went back up to his room. Tomorrow, the real fight would begin.

Kale woke up all sore and achy. He thought _Goddammit, what happened_? Sol was putting on his armor. He asked him "Hey Sol, what happened?"

Sol was still turned around. He made no attempt to turn around. He answered "You got drunk and decided to punch out some toughs. Then in the middle of the night they snuck in here and started to beat on you."

"Damn, well didn't you try to stop them?"

"No. I wasn't in power. I can only fight if it's daytime or, there's light in the room, and there wasn't."

"Well, didn't you try to light a candle?"

"That would have ruined the element of surprise."

"Sol, you aren't built for stealth. Your heavy armor and its bright shine make it almost impossible to not notice you."

"And I suppose that you are?"

"Yes. I can dart nimbly and I am proficient with a sword."

Sol made no answer and rolled his eyes.

Suddenly a girl knocked on the door. Kale opened it. She was of an average build and had two nasty looking daggers (and when I mean nasty I mean menacing) strapped to her belt. She had a scowl on her face with an amulet headband. She wore a black shirt that had no sleeves and was hemmed across the middle exposing her belly. She wore an extremely revealing skirt that all sorts of tears on it as well. (She sounds hot if you ask me)

Kale looked at Sol and said "You send for a hooker?"

Sol shook his head. "This is our guide. Her name is Mina."

Kale looked at Mina and said "Sorry for that."

Mina shrugged and said "Its okay, that happens a lot. When you're a guide you can't bring much, and I try not to."

Sol said "She's our guide to the wood temple. Supposedly, that's where the ruby is."

Kale was pretty exited. "Well let's get the hell out of here. If those guys come back, we're toast."

"You mean my brothers?" She asked.

Kale thought _ShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShit ShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShit ShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShit_.

Mina just looked at him and left the room. Sol followed and Kale brought up the rear. Next stop: Wood temple.


	3. The Earth Temple Part 1

Chapter 3

The Earth Temple and a Broken Bow

Kale and Sol walked in to the temple. It was built into a huge tree. The front gate was wide open so, they walked into it. As if you could predict it, five Wolfos jumped out of the ground. Sol and Kale nodded at each other. They ran diagonally in different directions for about 5 meters and jumped at the Wolfos. They both came at it ramming both their swords through it. Mina used her daggers like Tonfas, but was having trouble with one of them. Kale pulled soul edge out of the Wolfos and lunged at the one that was fighting Mina. Just as he was close enough to attack it, Mina rammed both of her daggers into the Wolfos's neck, killing it pretty much instantly.

Sol's blade whistled as it came down on the neck of the Wolfos. If the game wasn't rated T, its head probably would have came right off. Suddenly, a Wolfos attacked him on the back and an annoying beeping noise started. The annoying beeping noise irritated the remaining Wolfos so much that they cut their own throats to end the noise.

The bars on the first door opened and it slid open. _I thought this place was before the automatic stuff. What has this place become? A futuristic supermarket?_

Sol walked first through the narrow hallway. Out of nowhere a plant thing lunged at him and hooked onto his armor. Kale saw this and swung his sword at the vine. The thing released his grip on Sol and fell to the ground; the severed half was bleeding green blood. Sol said "Thanks that was a close one. On bite from those things can kill a man with its toxins."

Kale said "No problem." He looked down the hall. There was another plant thing near the part where the hallway had a curve. "Let me take care of this one." Kale took out his bow and fired an arrow at it. The arrow whizzed through the air and landed about six inches to the right of the plant. "Crap." He reloaded and fired another arrow. This time it bounced off the wall to the left of the plant. "One more try…"

Mina rolled her eyes. Sol said "Let me try."

Sol tried to wrestle the bow from Kales hands. Kale said "Please! It my frickin bow!"

Mina said "Um, guys, your going to break it."

They kept wrestling for it. As if we knew it was going to happen, the bow broke. It snapped in half. Kale yelled "DAMMIT!" picked up the half of the bow and threw it at the plant thing. It hit it and the plant thing slumped over dead. Kale stood there dumbfounded.

They continued on.

After a while of walking through a dark hallway, they got a glimpse of light. They were in the main hallway for the temple! There was a beam of light on a floor and two giant blocks with huge mirrors on them.

Sol and Mina looked at Kale. Kale sighed and thought: _Man, this is not a very good day._ He took off his shirt and prepared to do some heavy lifting.

About a half hour later Kale finally was able to put both the mirrors in place. He said to himself "My dad would tell me that there were puzzles like this in dungeons." Sol and Mina were playing a card game.

"Go fish." Mina said. Sol drew a card.

Kale was really pissed now. "HAVE YOU NOTHING BETTER TO DO? I WAS BUSTING MY ASS ON THESE F---ING HUGE STONES AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS PLAY CARDS? AT LEAST YOU COULD CHEER ME ON!" he yelled

Mina yawned. "Keep going."

Sol looked up. "He's done Mina." He said. "Good job. Now the beam of light will break open the wall."

Kale tilted his head as in question. Just as Sol had predicted the beam of light broke open the wall and revealed a steep ramp that led higher in the dungeon. The three climbed it. Kale led the way, but at the top there was a door that had a huge keyhole. _There's no way I could pick that lock._

Mina said "There was an open door a little lower a couple of floors down. Maybe there's something in there."

They went with Mina's idea. In that room there was a treasure chest on a slightly raised platform. Before they were even entirely in the room, the platform that the chest was on sunk into the ground and a circular disk slid to cover the chest. There was a booming voice. "Who dares enter the earth temple!"

Near the opposite side of the wall it slid open, revealing three darknuts, one with a cape. All three of them drew their weapons. Kale said "Okay, I'll take the big guy, you two just cover me."

Mina rushed forward and said, "How about this, lets play who's the best killer."

The darknut with the cape threw it over the light source, obstructing any light from coming in. "You're not afraid of the dark, are you? The light hurts my eyes."

Mina slashed at one of their helmets, exposing its head. She then did a three slash combo that sent the head flying. That one fell on its knees and exploded in a puff of smoke.

Sol was in a duel with the 'boss' darknut and they were trading blade shots so quickly that you would think the hour was constantly changing.

Kale, in his duel, put his opponent off balance and tossed its sword away. When the knight bent over to pick up his sword, Kale sent his blade right into the knight's head. All that was left was the commander.

He backed into a corner and jumped into the alcove where they came in. The door shut and they could hear him running away. His cape disappeared and light shone in the room again. The beam of light landed right on the circle and it disappeared. The chest slid up to its place where it was before.

Kale opened it. As he was doing so some music began to play and the inside of the chest had a glowing rim to it. He pulled out a huge key with an eye on it. Mina said "That was cool."

Kale joked around "Well, it was thanks to you. If you hadn't killed that knight we would still be fighting that guy."

"Yeah, you're right!"

"So, who's the better killer?"

"Well, Sol is instantly eliminated. I did a good job, but you had a nice finish so I think that you won this round."

"Well there's probably an entire room more of these guys so round two will be quite soon."

The three walked out of the room and they went to the boss room.

Authors Notes

So, that's the story thus so far. By the way, I'm going to put a quote or quotes from a movie in almost every chapter. It'll be up to you to name the movie.


	4. The Earth Temple Part 2 Enter the author...

Chapter 4

Boss room 1: Earth Temple.

They walked through the door, and saw that they were outside! They looked to the right, and saw a path of very thick vines that led up. They walked through the doorway and found themselves in a much higher area of the temple. The floor was thick, except for a part on the far side, and there wasn't a single floor tile there, just a long drop to a river below.

Kale walked through the door and said, "You know, wasn't the temple originally called the wood temple."

All of a sudden, the hand of the author picked up Kale, and threw him against the wall. "**SHUT UP!"**The booming voice echoed around the room. Mina and Sol looked around to see where the voice came from. They couldn't find it.

The voice came again, "**What? You never heard an omnipotent author before? I'm everywhere! And in some cases, I can 'interact' with the people that are in the area where I am, which is everywhere."**

Mina and Sol looked at each other, and they drew their weapons. A middle heighted teenager with black travel clothes, glasses, and a wicked looking sword appeared out of nowhere. Mina asked, "Who are you?"

"**The Author!"** I replied.

"You only look thirteen!"

"**Go ahead, try me!"**

"What?"

"**I said, come down here and try to hit me!"**

Mina lunged at me, and at the last moment, I casually stepped aside. I swung my sword and flung her against the wall. She was plastered against it, and was slowly sliding down. She fell down on her back and tried to catch her breath.

Sol asked, "Are you the boss?"

**"Me? No way! If you tried to fight me, I would tear you apart! You can't defeat the author! Hahahahahahahaha!"** As I said that, I disappeared.

Mina got up, and picked Kale up. They both were healed. A sliding door opened on the far side of the door. A huge monster appeared on one side. Kale felt his pants get warm and wet.

The monster took out a huge sword made of energy. The three readied their weapons. Kale and Sol nodded at each other. They jumped up, and pulled the twin blade strike move. The monster deflected Sol's blade, but Kale went right through the energy. Kale's blade came down on the monsters head. It screamed and threw them off of it. It ran away into a pool of some strange looking liquid. A gem on its chest was exposed as it gained more power. Sol looked at Kale and said "You know, we could damage the thing if we had a bow!"

Mina silently walked up to the edge of the pool, and threw a dagger at the gem. It shattered as the creature gave a soul-piercing howl. She then started whacking the hell out of the creature's head with her dagger. The creature gave a scream, but Mina silenced it by answering with a dagger down its mouth.

The creature got up, ran around, and exploded in a bluish fire. A treasure chest and a heart container appeared.

Kale, Sol, and Mina raced to get the heart container, but a seagull came in and picked it up before they could get to it. Kale said "DAMMIT! Somebody shoot this freaking duck for me!"

Glumly, he opened the treasure chest. Inside was a huge beach ball!

Kale picked it up and threw it around. "Goddammit! WE WENT THROUGH ALL THAT FOR A MOTHERFING BEACH BALL! F IT ALL"

He threw it over the missing floor patch he stabbed it just as it came down. A hole opened at the bottom and theruby fell out. It fell into the river. Kale uttered a long stream of F-words and jumped after it.

I appeared again. "**Ha! I knew he would fall for it!"** I said. "**My genius was what sent him to do that!**" I disappeared again.

Sol said, "How much do we have to put up with the author?"

"**Always, like I said, I'm omnipotent.**"

"Right."

"**Get a load of this: Look behind you, there are a bunch of hot, naked elf girls."**

Sol turned around, and saw nothing.

"**Gotcha!"**

Sol put his had over his face in shame.

Meanwhile, Kale was swimming to catch the sapphire. It just fell over a waterfall. Kale sighed and began to swim back to tell them that he lost the sapphire. Just as he turned around, a huge log began to tumble down the river. _This is not a good day_ he thought. He turned around and prepared for a long fall. He never noticed me laughing my head off as I watched him fall 30 feet.

He fell into a deep pond, and swam to the surface. On the bank, he took off his shirt, left all his heavy belongings on the bank as well, and dove back into the pond. About a half hour later, Mina and Sol appeared on the bank. Mina was in a skimpy two-piece bikini, and sol had swim trunks on. Kale surfaced and said, "What's going on here? I'm looking for the ruby!" Kale got out and began to dry off.

Mina answered him "We found it earlier, you were chasing some rock. It landed on the landing where the beam of light blasted away the wall."

"Oh…"

Sol began swimming around, but Kale and Mina were flirting. They stayed there for about an hour, and then they left. Kale caught Mina peeking on him when he was changing to dry clothes, but Kale was peeking on Mina earlier, so it really didn't matter.

All of a sudden, Kale saw a face, and stopped dead in his tracks.

To Be Continued…

Authors Note:

To any of you people who played along with my game, the answer is: The Chronicles Of Riddik. _Who's the best killer. You're not afraid of the dark are you? The Light Hurts my eyes…_


	5. Kales Ex

Chapter 5

Kales Ex.

Kale looked at his ex-girlfriend. She was a Zora. She walked over and slapped Kale so hard he spun backwards and fell down. Kale got up massaging his hurt cheek. He said "What was that for?"

The Zora revealed at what was in her other hand. It was a baby! She said "That is what that's for. If my father finds out he'll have your head, or your nuts, its his choice."

"I didn't deserve that!"

She slapped him again.

Sol leaned over and said "I guess I didn't deserve that one too?"

"No I think I understand."

The Zora said "You will now work for me until I hold your debt fulfilled."

"Ruto, please. Seriously, what do you have that I want?"

She picked something up from behind her. "While you were changing from your bathing suit, I swiped the Sapphire."

"You dirty little bit-"

Sol pimp-slapped him. He whispered "Young ones are very impressionable."

"What? He cant talk?"

Kale heard a voice in his head _Oh no, I can talk, I just would rather invade your mind. Lets see here…_

Kale put his hands on his ears. It didn't help. _Lets see here, you are undressing Mina in your mind and youre thinking dirty thoughts about her too._

Ruto said "Well, looks like he is a little bundle of joy. Its also a good amusement at parties."

Mina said "Wait, I don't care if you are a father Kale, but isn't Ruto Links age?"

The author suddenly appeared. I said "**Hey, this is Ruto Jr. Ruto had a daughter too..." **I disappeared.

Ruto's son said "Who was that?"

Mina shrugged "He says he is the author. He appears all the time."

Sol said "Yeah he is the worst. He appears without warning, and he does crazy stuff."

Ruto said to Kale "If you want the saphire, you either will have to give me 10,000 rupees to raise this kid, or you can just marry me." Kale went pale at that last thought "Your choice."

"Lets see here" Kale said he reached into his wallet and took out 5,000 rupees. "Is this it?"

"You still owe me 5,000 rupees."

Mina said "Why don't you sell some of your stuff?"

Sol suggested "Or you could go as a male stri-"

Kale smacked Sol really hard. It left a small dent in his helmet.

Mina said "Yeah be realistic, what kind of ladies want him?" _Other than me _she thought. Kale was gone. So was Ruto.

Sol rolled his eyes and said "Where can he be? As if I couldn't guess."

They followed a trail into the Zora stronghold. They noticed that it led to a place called: Ladies House Of Pleasure. (You can only guess what it is and what Kale is doing)

A few hours later Kale, Mina, and Sol walk out of the place. Sol said "There had to have been a better way to earn 5,000 rupees."

Kale said "Yeah, but at least we got the sapphire."

"Yes, but don't you have any dignity?"

"Well, sometimes you have to lose some dignity to get what you want, and isn't the fate of the world on the line here?"

Sol nodded his head but still thought _F-ing weirdo._

Mina said, "Well, the other gem is in the fire temple."

"Well we're off!"

They walked to the fire temple.

To Be Continued. . .


	6. The Long Road To The Fire Temple

Chapter 6

Sol's Story and the Long Walk to the Fire Temple

Cale and Mina were talking. Sol was walking ahead. _Man, those people can be really crude._ Cale said to Mina "I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?"

Sol shook his head in disgust. _At least get some new material._

Mina burst out in laughter, and hugged Cale. Cale blushed. Mina smiled. Cale tried to say another cheesy pick up line, but she reached up and kissed him. Sol looked away, knowing that he shouldn't watch. Sol reached into his pack and pulled out the map.

The map was a magic map. All Sol had to do was say the location, and a path to the location. He said "Fire Temple" About 6,000 different lines came out from his current location. "Damn Google searches. I never should have bought this piece of shit anyway."

He looked over at Cale and Mina. He muttered a huge "Ugh!" and shielded his eyes. "Too much tongue. . ." He turned around and waited about 5 minutes. "Get a room!" He yelled. Sol walked off and climbed the mountain that was nearby. From his vantage point he could see that Cale and Mina were still making out. He looked ahead. It was a real inspirational scene.

Sol heard footsteps in the distance. Something was approaching. Sol looked and saw that it was the Darknut from the earth temple. Sol waited for him to pass and delivered a blow to the evil knight's head. He grunted "ouch" and fell down. He drew his sword, and stood up and swung at Sol. Sol parried the blow and slashed at the Darknut. It cut him right in the middle. The knight swung at Sol at the same time and got caught in a deadlock.

They stayed there for about a half hour, but then again Cale and Mina were making out for 45 minutes, so I can't complain. For no apparent reason I appeared. I said "**Having a little trouble?**" A bead of sweat dripped down Sol's forehead. I walked over to the Darknut, took out my sword, and slashed the ugly thing in half. Its two halves sizzled, and faded away, leaving behind just a piece of badly torn apart armor.

I said to Sol "**Amazing, I am only 13 and already I kick more ass than you.**" I disappeared.

That got to Sol. He knew that he was strong on the outside but weak on the inside. He sat down and remembered…

He was only 15 when he enlisted in the army. He wanted to prove himself to his girlfriend. She said "You don't need to go to the army to prove that you are good enough" He remembered her embrace and her warmth.

He joined the army and climbed the ranks. During the wars, he would always have the most kills of all the other soldiers. One day during weekend leave, he went to his hometown. When he got there, he saw the entire town in flaming ruins. Through the flames, he saw a lone Darknut. It was the same one that he had almost killed earlier. He scavenged through the ashes; he saw the corpse of his beloved. It had a large stab mark in her chest. He wept and vowed to avenge her.

Her death avenged, he walked back down to the camp. Kale and Mina were there, talking this time. Sol was almost relieved that they weren't making out. He sat down and made a fire. They sat by it, making idle chit chat, and they went into their respective tents, and went to sleep. They were about another mile from the fire temple. Tomorrow they would be there.


	7. Enter The Rainbow Six

Chapter 7

Enter The Rainbow Six.

Cale, Mina and Sol arrived in front of the fire temple. From the outside, Cale thought that it would be full of monsters and treasure, but it was really small on the inside. They walked through a hallway and ended up in a huge foyer.

Cale said to Sol "Watch, all of a sudden, a whole lot of monsters are going to come out. Just you wait."

Sol looked around, and said back "No, it doesn't look like anything is happening."

Sol looked forward and saw a door. He pointed and said "Hey, where does that go?"

Cale shrugged "Probably a staircase to a lower level. What do you think Mina?"

Mina shrugged also "I don't know. Let's just see where it goes." Cale opened the door. The room was really dark, and some mist emanated from the opening. The three walked into the room and it instantly lit up. A huge council table sat at the end of the room. Four men and two women sat around it.

The one sitting in the middle stood up and bowed. He said "Hello. We are the rainbow six. What do you want? Why have you bothered us?"

Cale fought back the urge to say "So, you ransacked the fire temple and turned it into a gay bar?" He somehow accidentally said that anyways.

Sol pimp slapped Cale for that. "Don't you realize what they might do?" Sol bowed down. "Apologize my friend here. He's always like that."

The middle person of the rainbow six said "I don't care. So, anyways, what do you want?"

Mina said "We need the order ruby. Somebody told us that it was here."

"Well, we might be able to work out a deal." He stood up again, and then the other five stood up. "I am number one of the rainbow six."

One woman said "I am number two."

"I'm number three."

"Number four."

"Mambo number 5!" The other council members gave number 5 a strange look and continued on.

"And I am number 6."

Number 1 spoke "We have the order ruby. We will not give it to you though."

Mina said, very distraughtly "Why?"

The Rainbow Six drew their weapons. Number 1 had a long sword and a shorts word. Number 2 had tonfas. Number 3 had a dagger set up like Mina, and Number 4 – 6 all had swords and shields.

Number 1 said "If you can defeat the Rainbow Six, then I will give you the Order Ruby." At that said, the council rushed at all of them. Cale barely had time to block Number 4 from his sword. Cale jerked his sword up, and let it fall down. Off balance, Number 4 raised his shield, but to no avail. Cale's soul edge ran right through it, and cut part of his middle finger off.

Number 4 would have flicked Cale off, but he didn't have a finger, so he gave him the forearm jerk. It was a bad idea, seeing that he used his sword hand. He sliced right through the arm and it fell to the marble floor with a thud. He managed to utter an "Oh crap." before he wound up with a sword in his belly.

Number 3 charged Sol, but after he had been strengthened at the mount, he was ready. He fought ferociously, blocking every attack with such strength that part of his opponents blade started to crack. His blade whistled as it came down on his neck.

Mina was against number 5 and 6, and was having a bit of trouble. She couldn't get too close and they were backing her into a corner. Cale rushed over, sliced number 6 on the neck and ran up to number two, where he bum rushed her and stabbed her while she's down. _Moxious_ he thought to himself.

Mina, now rid of one of her attackers used the confusion that Cale had caused to strike down number 5. He still carried that awestruck look to his death.

Number 1 yelled "STOP!" And held his hands in the air.

"I will give you the Ruby, for you have bested all of our members."

At that time, he appeared with a ruby. He gazed into it, and tossed it to them. He then walked off, crying.

Cale said "Well, now let's go after Luq!"

Sol and Mina both sighed. Sol said "Shouldn't we wait a little before fighting him? I mean, we can't beat the crap out of 5 people and take on a mean and nasty dragon in the same day, can we."

Cale sighed. "Okay fine," he said "But first thing tomorrow-"

"Wednesday."

"What the hell, lets go Wednesday! It's all on Wednesday! Lets go and-"

Sol slapped Cale.

Cale rubbed the sore spot on his face "Thanks, I needed that."


	8. Destined Battle With The Wrong Guy

Chapter 8

The Final Gem

Kale, led by the guiding magic of the gems, led him to a grotto hidden in a crevice in Death Mountain. There was a somewhat large gate guarding the entrance, and had two fittings in each side. Kale said "Ah crap, we come all this way lugging really heavy gems and find out that the gates locked." He took one of the gems out and threw it at the ground and turned around, arms across his shoulders.

Mina said somewhat affectionately, "Kale…"

"If you ask me, fuck Hyrule, let's just warp to Termina and try and keep that world safe."

Mina looked up and saw that the gem had fitted in with the slot in the gate. "Kale look!" She pointed at the gem.

Kale turned around dumbfounded. He then grinned and said "But of course, it was my genius that figured that one out."

Sol shook his head in disgust.

Kale then dropped the Saphire, and let it sink into the slot. The gate glowed, made a noise like a nuclear bomb, and then gently slid open. A large altar stood in the middle of the cave. The Emerald sat on a podim in the center of this altar. Kale picked it up, and started to put in his backpack, when he detected some form of movement in the corner of his eye. He drew his sword just in time to block a hand claw that would have hit his face. The man had two hand claws, and fought in a dancing style.

Kale attacked, blocked and pulled off a 13 hit combo, but still couldn't defeat him. He called out for Sol and Mina. The Creature then talked. His voice was a cross between nails on a chalkboard and the hiss of steam. "They can't heap you now. Your father wielded that blade in a fighting tournament. He nearly killed me with it."

Kale was still dumbfounded. "Wait, you're that Voldo person!"

Voldo took a bow. Kale took that opportunity to ram the soul edge into his head. Then, he whipped the blade to break Voldo's neck. Kale turned around and started to walk out of the cave, but Voldo jumped at him. His hand claws punctured the mirror shield, releasing massive amounts of raw magic. Voldo flew off Kale's back and got pinned by the power of the mirror shield.

Voldo laughed as his hand blades vaporized in front of him. His mask also began to vaporize, splashing the molten metal right into his face. He instantly stopped laughing and started shrieking. The magic of the mirrior shield fixed itself and the surface became smooth again.

Voldo, now weaponless and blinded by the magic of the shield fell to the ground. Kale turned around and stuck his sword into the body. It slid through like scissors on butter. He turned around and went to go look for Sol and Mina.

Sol and Mina woke up to find themselves on top of a plateau near the top of death mountain. A large dragon flew around overhead, waiting for its chance to strike.

To be concluded…


	9. The Final Battle or is it?

Chapter 9

Die, Luq Die

(The, Luq The)

Cale, after exiting the cave noticed a rather ominous looking pathway that led to a plateau somewhere. There was a sign that said Luq's lair. Cale decided to take the path that said "Happy Fun Magic Land". _If Luq is really what we believe him to be, he'll be in the less obvious path._

He was wrong.

Happy Fun Magic Land was some children's theme park that involved dancing rabbits and knights in strange red, blue, and green tunic outfits. Cale blended in really well, but was really overwhelmed by the amassing of annoying little kids. Correction **screaming** annoying little kids. Another correction **uncontrolled **screaming, annoying, little kids. Cale made his first attempt to leave there.

Cale walked calmly up the really sinister but cliché path to the dungeon. He reached a small flat area that had a big indentation in the plateau's wall. As he crossed the center, fire surrounded him in a circle and the beast thing from the wood temple dropped in front of him.

Cale said "Aw come on! I hate it when games do this!"

He took out his Soul Edge and ran up to the beast. He kept trying to slash at it, but it just made a loud clang noise no matter where he hit. The first time he hit it in the crotch, which made a louder clang noise. The beast thing said "I have balls of steel. Don't try that."

Cale looked around for a rock and threw it at the beast and hit it right between the eyes. Its eyes rolled over in the back of its head and it fell over. It then caught on a green fire and little red hearts flew out of its body.

Cale picked up the hearts and felt a little stronger. He shrugged and walked back up the path to the summit of Death Plateau. He reached another cut out battlefield in the pathway up the plateau.

This time, a man from the Rainbow Six came out of the ground. All of his clothes were torn up and his skin was a zombie like green. He groaned a "CALE, WHAT HAVEYOU DONE TO ME?"

Cale took a step back and calmly said "Well, after you tried to kill me in the fire temple I went on to lay the smack down on you."

That only seemed to anger the zombie, seeing that he lurched a little faster than normal. Cale thought "Oh shit, the zombies chasing us. Lets all walk a little faster." He said that aloud too.

That really pissed the zombie off, which was a skill that Cale excelled in, so he moved even faster, which was about the speed of somebody walking a bicycle with a flat tire next to him.

Cale figured,_ he's already dead, so I'll just kill him again. Dad always was bitching about how you always should practice your skills. _He drew his sword and slashed through the zombie's soft flesh. The blade cut through it like butter and the top half fell off the bottom half. The legs still stood up still lurched towards Cale. The torso just was squirming on the ground.

Cale winced when he realized what he had to do. He picked up the zombies legs, which felt like a melty and greasy cheeseburger that somebody had dropped in the middle of a road and was ran over by an eighteen wheeler. He winced as he picked up the lower body and then with a mighty heave pitched the body over the wall and into the chasm.

He then picked up the torso, which felt just like the lower body only with a lot more squirming and groaning and attempts to kill the carrier.

Cale tossed that off the edge too.

The circle of flames dissipated and Cale began his final climb up the Plateau.

As Cale got a little closer to the top, he heard all sorts of explosions and then a bunch of rocks began falling in his path. He dodged them and then he found himself in the center of the plateau. An F---ing huge dragon was circling overhead. It landed, glowed for a few seconds and then took a human looking form. Then the form looked like somebody in a robot suit. It was the famed bounty hunter Samus Aran!

Cale ran up to her, but she put a hand up and then pointed at him with her gun arm. She then spoke "So, you are the Heroes Son? Fool. I figured that you would end up here.

"This was all part of my master plan, because all cliché video game villains will reveal their master plan to the hero near the final battle. What I had planned to do was to destroy Hyrule.

"I would do that so, the next Metroid Prime would be undisturbed in its skyrocketing sales. Basically, I found an interesting job, and the person that I took the contract from gave me an offer I couldn't refuse."

"Al Capone?" Cale said quizzically.

"No. Gannon. I also have some dirt on you that make the Zelda series shamed."

"What are you talking about?" He paused. Suddenly it dawned on him. "No, you don't mean…"

"Yes I mean it. I'm sure that Link never told you of his Ill fated adventures over the Cd-I system."

Cale cried out as if 1,000 knives of fire had just pierced his crotch area.

"I'm talking about Link: The Wand of Gamelon and Zelda's Adventure."

Cale cried out again.

"And of course, I have never had a game that didn't sell well. You sir, are a reject from an adventurer who can't keep his facts straight.

"I had imagined that you would turn out just like your father."

Cale took out his sword and let loose a fierce battle cry that was something in ancient hylian but sounded more like "Zieg Heil Canada" In one fell swoop of his blade, he pierced the bounty hunters armor and sliced her in two.

The squirming mass of smoking flesh began to emit these words before it faded into nothingness. "You forget about what happens at game over. I will continue. You will never escape Gannon."

The body then faded into thin air.

Sol and Mina appeared next to Cale. Sol put his hand on Cale's shoulder and said "So, do you think of that? You actually turned out all right kid."

Mina rubbed up on Cale very seductively. She said "You were amazing there." and planted a kiss on his cheek. Cale moved and kissed her on the lips as his hand slowly was shifting towards her bottom. Sol intervened and said "Can you give me some warning next time?"

Cale nodded and turned back to Mina. He then said in a muffled voice "We're making out now!"

Sol shrugged and began walking down the plateau.

A few weeks later, they finally found themselves back home. Nobody really noticed them back. Cale showed Link and Zelda his girlfriend. Sol pretty much went back and moped around like he always would.

Link had just told Cale that Gannon had just been found near the gateway between this world and the space that is known as the Gamecuebe's main menu screen. Cale was about to set out on the quest when Mina came to him with some crazy news.

Mina walked up to Cale near the village's entrance. Cale had a small bottle of ale in his hand and he was propped up on the wall of the city. Cale tossed the ale against the wall and the bottle shattered. He hugged Mina with one of his bear hugs and then began making out with her. In mid snog, she stopped him. She clasped her hands between her breasts and said "I've got great news for both of us."

Cale said "You just saved 15 percent on your car insurance by switching to Geico?"

"What? No, I don't even own a car. In fact, I don't even thing that they exist yet. Well, I'm not going to beat around the bush or anything so here I am…"

"You're stalling."

"I am? Well, I guess that I should tell you that well…"

"Just get to the damn point woman!"

"Okay fine. I'm pregnant and I'm pretty sure that you're the father. Simply because, well, I only really did anything with you and you only."

"This is great, but what will my parents think?"

Somehow, a chicken heard the news and spread the news out to the entire village and then the village was soon abuzz with the gossip of Cale and Mina.

Eventually they returned back to their home and Link and Zelda were sitting in the living room, waiting for them. Link said "So, your girlfriend has a bun in the oven?"

Cale nodded.

"Well, I guess you're a chip off the old block. You see, the same thing happened with your mom. I wasn't really married to her or anything, but we kept going and going and going energizer bunny on each other, and I guess we decided to settle down.

"I guess its time that you hung up your sword and shield and settled down. That's what I did and I guess I turned out just fine."

Cale fainted on the spot. Mina just rolled her eyes and Link gave a hearty laugh. He shook Mina's hand and welcomed her into the family.

And as a great philosopher might have said "Alls well that ends well."

And it ended very well indeed.


End file.
